I was chatting with someone today about farriers and such, and I made the comment that, although my mare, Arwen isn’t generally too fond of men, she seems to get along ok with my farrier.  The lady kind of chuckled and said “she doesn’t like anyone.”

Alright, first off, how rude.  And secondly a few months ago, I probably would have agreed with her.  Arwen didn’t seem to “like” anyone, including myself.  We either got along or we didn’t and most often, we didn’t.  But as with all things, this too seems to have shifted.  I took her to the Rocky Mountain Horse Expo in March.  It was fairly overwhelming for us both.  I hadn’t been to a show for myself in years, much less one this big and it had been a sworn goal to ride again at the National Western Complex in Denver.  For Arwen, our relationship was struggling, and she’d never been anywhere sans the fairgrounds in Sterling Colorado and neither of us knew what to expect.

Truthfully Arwen was a dream.  She stalled very quietly, was not spooky, and aside from a little nervousness just from the sheer volume of activity, rode out calm and quiet each time the whole weekend.  All in all, she did me and the Mustang association I had gone to represent proud.  While we were there I had a friend and communicator come to see us.  I had some questions and I hoped she had some answers for me.  She spent well over an hour releasing a lot of negative energy both Arwen and I had trapped, and Arwen’s drastic life changes were made clear to her and why she was with me.  It was a very needed discussion.

Ever since I brought Arwen home I have toyed with the idea of keeping or selling her.  As I usually do I have a picture in my head of what type of horse I “like” or “need”, and Arwen didn’t really fit the bill.  Although I felt a huge sigh of relief at expo, that maybe we could do better than “get along”, as soon as we got home my own fears and doubts came right back.  She had almost a full month off before I got back in the saddle.  I can blame some of that on weather, being sick and a few other things, but mostly just because I was dragging my feet not wanting to battle the same issues we had been having before expo.  And, for a month I threw around the idea of selling.  I even offered her to a few people for the right price, right home situation.

Then sometime in the last few weeks something has changed.  Her eye has softened, and her guard has come down several notches.  I no longer have to follow her around her pen to catch her, she turns to me and waits for me.  She is happier, quieter and more relaxed under saddle.  She “plays” with me by licking my arm.  When I put her bridle on, her head is so low its by my knees and after I slip the headstall over her ears we just take a moment there.  I rub under her ears and on her big cheeks, stroke her forelock, cradle her head, and we just exist in that moment for a while.  She no longer fights me with her feet, trusts me to brush her legs, doesn’t tense at fly spray or conditioner.  She rests a foot while I groom her.  And she is no longer grumpy and uncomfortable when I pull the cinch.

On the flip side, I no longer worry about what she’s doing or how she might run me over when she’s walking behind me, because that’s just where she walks.  I smile and talk to her when she licks my arm instead of pushing her away thinking she may bite.  I ask to come into her space instead of demand it, you know how females are…  I am more relaxed when I ride.  I take the time to brush her legs and cradle her head.  In short, we are getting comfortable with each other and we’re both learning to trust.

She is perfect for me.  We are very similar she and I.  We’re both past our prime riding age.  We’ve both had some bad experiences.  We both are a tad out of shape and we both have our fair share of aches.  But we can both come back.  We can come back from the bad experiences, we can come back from being out of shape.  We can both get fitter mentally and physically.  She has already come so far in her balance and fitness, and I feel I’m getting stronger again too.  And we’re doing it together.  Caesar Millan said “you don’t get the dog you want, you get the dog you need.”  And I firmly believe the same goes for horses.  Arwen may not have been the horse I wanted, but she is certainly showing me she has been the horse I needed for a long time.

A good rider can get along with just about any horse they step in the arena with.  They know horses well enough, been on and around enough not much will surprise them.  They get along.  But they “get along” about as well as you and your co-workers, the person behind the counter at the store, the lady at the bank, people at your husbands work party.  You don’t have to really know them, to be their best friend.  Shoot, you don’t even have to like them.  You could even despise some of them, but you still know how to “get along” like a civilized human being.  Much the same for a skilled rider and a strange horse.  If she is a skilled rider, she can “get along” with any horse.

If you take it one step further, every now and then a horse and rider will just “click”.  We have all seen it, some have even felt it.  A person steps onto a horse for the first time, and they just jive.  Their aura’s are in sync or something.  Again, much like that person at your husbands work party, that you make small talk with and then you find something in common and you “click”.  You’re great-full you found each other.  But unless that relationship is pursued, you will never become besties, because relationships take time.  True, real, natural, raw relationships take time, nurturing, conscious attendance to caring, learning, loving.  Weather it’s your significant other, your best friend or your horse.

I’ve loved and enjoyed and had good relationships with many horses.  I’ve gotten along with even more than that.  But there are two, and only two, that I have truly had a partnership with.  Partnerships are not 50/50, they are 100/100.  (Wait am I writing about horses or marriage?)  These two very special horses came to me a different times in their lives and mine and have both since passed away.  It took years to build the relationship I’m talking about.  Both went through a short spell where I considered selling.  Boy I’m glad I stuck them out.  Sally was my first horse, my first Mustang and Henry was the horse I got by chance when I entered the Mustang Makeover in 2007.  Each were totally different animals and after I had had a horse like Sally for so long, I thought there might be something wrong with Henry, because, well he just wasn’t her so how could he possibly be a good horse?

When I look back it took about 3 years with each horse, before we really began to feel close.  Familiar starts to set in at about a year.  At about two years you feel like your gaining, and at year three you feel confident there isn’t anything you cant accomplish together.  When I look back at students and their horses it seems about the same timeline.  A year of struggle and frustration, a year of getting the hang of each other and then a year of bonding and the partnership.  The teammate.  The other half really.  You truly begin to feel a part of each other.  Once that bond is there, nothing can break it.  This is when that sixth sense about each other develops.  You wake up in the middle of the night because you just “feel” something is wrong with your horse.  You instinctively know where they hurt when the vet asks.  The horse knows when your energy is wrong and compensates.  You walk to their stall, tears in your eyes over something that happened that day, and the hottest of hot horses will stand quiet, head low, soft eye, quiet breath while you cry in their mane.  You have become a codependent being.  When you feel good, so does he.  When you feel bad, he reciprocates.  You truly have become one and the bond gets stronger and more fine tuned as the years pass.  You truly know each other.

These are the horses that bring their A game every time you step in the saddle.  They want to do what you ask and you have succeed at convincing them how important it is.  Now that we all know what horse we’re talking about, how do you get over them?  How do you move on?  My A game horses have passed away.  I have not had the luxury of a true partner since.  I’ve had my current mare for about six months and I have to keep reminding myself that it will come.  It’s brutal.  I know what that relationship feels like and I know what it feels like when it’s just not there.  And when it’s just not there, it sucks.  She’s wonderful, quirky, full of energy, not a mean bone in her body, but she drives me nuts sometimes and I just flat don’t get her yet.  And it is so hard to remind myself that that is okay and that it doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause.  It just means we haven’t spent enough time nurturing our relationship.  We clicked for sure.  There are things about her I just like and visa versa.  They day I went to try her the previous owner even remarked “she’s never been that good for me and I’ve had her 13 years!”.  We “clicked”.  But like that person at the party you found a few things in common with, it’s not enough.  Trust.  Love.  Those things take time.

I have a wonderful friend who is a great rider.  She has been on a lot of horses.  She can “get along” with the best of them.  She has recently in the last couple years lost both of her A game horses, her loves, her partners, to lameness.  Each for different lameness issues, both freak incidences, but none the less she has had to let them go.  She is trying to move on.  She has a couple horses now, that I dare say she has even “clicked” with.  But they are far from partners.  They are still just horses and she is still just a rider.  They are merely acquaintances with some things in common.  How maddening.  After the loss of love, taking the time and patience to learn to love again is so hard.  So, well, heartbreaking.  It is a constant battle between not wanting to betray your love of the past, wanting love again and feeling like it is just not in your cards with your current partner.  (One more time, we’re talking about horses right?).  It is hard for me to console her and tell her to keep her chin up and that it will happen when I have days of doubt for me and my own horse.  But it will.  Time heals all wounds.

I’ve joked about human relationships a few times in this piece because it sounds so familiar.  But the truth is, a good rider, truly sees this relationship with their horse as THAT IMPORTANT.  It is not something that can be half hearted.  People who aren’t horse crazy will never understand that but it is true.  It really, truly is that important.  Love and relationships are hard, no matter the facet.  But I have to believe that once love is lost, it can be gained again.  Never the same, never replacing another, just adding to the strength and abundance of your heart.  And what better thing to teach us that, that the ultimate teacher?  What other creature has ever taught us more about our own capabilities and humanity, than the horse?  I dare to say, none can compare.

I’ve been riding my horse totally different the last weeks or so.  It has had to be a very conscious effort.  I’ve always ridden reining horses and because of that I’ve been an attention to detail perfectionist.  Well, lets just call a spade a spade.  A control freak.  I love the “power steering” and “power breaks” of the reiner.  Can’t get enough!  And usually I am very good about not pushing the horse, taking your time, doing things the “right” way.

Ask any of my students and they will tell you, I work in the horses time.  And ask any of them, when we go to a show it’s all for the horses benefit.  Winning is great, but it’s never “why” we’re there.  We are there to teach the horse, to teach the human, and to progress in our horsemanship.  No matter how the day ends, give that pony a pat and a peppermint.  But I am human and not afraid to admit that sometimes it’s easier to preach than practice.

I put a lot of pressure on my personal horse.  The reason being is I have a phobia of anyone thinking less of a Mustang.  They have enough bad representation, the last thing they need as a breed is a less than stellar example shown to the public.  When I worked for the animal shelter it was much the same for our pit bulls.  They didn’t have the luxury of messing up and making a few mistakes, simply because of the public’s opinion of the breed.  It’s no different with Mustangs.  You can take any young Quarter Horse to a show, it can loose a gasket, be dangerous, cause a complete ruckus and even be asked to leave and no one will think less of the breed as a whole.  But one bad move from a Mustang and you begin to hear the whispers.  “They are stupid”, “Not a brain in their Roman nosed head”, “Dog food”, “range maggots”, “untrainable”… and the worst “worthless”.  I’ve been nose to nose with people literally yelling and spitting in my face, for nothing more than riding a horse with a brand on it’s neck.  Is it fair?  Of course not.  Is it based in fact and not bias?  No.  Do they truly have a reason to hate these horses?  No.  Do they?  Undoubtedly, yes.

So although I can give my students great advice and insist they don’t drill their horse and insist they don’t panic over a public appearance, I sometimes let the whispers get the better of me.  I am only human.  I have on occasion, when knowing a show is coming up, trained too hard and blew their brains right before the show and had to limp through on a prayer hoping they are better than me.  And the horses always are.  They never fail to save my butt every time regardless of my irresponsibility.  But I am growing, learning, maturing as a person and a trainer.  You always grow.  If you don’t what is the point of life?  The fear is still there.  I still want to show these horses to the world and prove what a great asset they are, and hopefully in turn save a few.  A mistake is still a huge deal to me, but I cannot let the horse know that.

I set up some trot poles in the arena to spice things up for my mare.  Keeping her interested, and giving her something to focus on, as well as me.  I’ve been riding her on a long rein, one handed, guiding when I need, not caring if she’s collected, just quiet and relaxed.  She can handle the training.  She can handle learning the collection, moving shoulders, hips, haunches in, half pass… she can learn.  But not right now.  We have a show in March and undoubtedly little ride time between now and then due to weather.  I just need to keep her happy, and focused under saddle.  I need the relationship and I need relaxation.  That’s what I am hoping will get me though this show.  As I said before it has been a huge conscious effort to not “train” on her.  I am a trainer after all.  But just as it is counter instinctive for a horse to allow a predator to ride it, it is counter instinctive for me to just lope around without an agenda.  But this time, I’m going to try and take my own advice and see where it gets me.  Perhaps I’ll be as good as my students one day…

It has been a dream of mine since the last time I rode in Westernaires (a high speed mounted drill team located in Golden, Colorado) at the Event Center in Denver, to ride there again, in one way or another.  Of course I’ve had big dreams of the Invitational Freestyle Reining, the Mounted Shooting and so forth, but life has just not allowed such things yet.  But, last night, one phone call has quite possibly made this little dream come true.

The US Wild Horse and Burro Association is an organization that basically helps pull Mustangs out of bad situations, help adopters, volunteers for the BLM and raises awareness for the American Mustang.  I am a Regional Director for them here in Nebraska.  It is a non-profit and fun to be involved in.  The president of the association called me last night and asked if I was close to Colorado.  I said of course and she went on to tell me how she wanted me at the Rocky Mountain Horse Expo, as another representative for the USWHBA.  I was ecstatic to be invited, but not without my reservations.  Despite my fears, I told her I would go.

My current Mustang is a bit of a puzzle, thus my concerns.  I acquired her from someone who sought me out, purely because she knew I was “into” Mustangs.  She needed to find her a home asap, and I basically said I’d take her sight unseen.  I’ve had her a few short months now, and although broke to ride, she is not without hang ups.  I’ve had little time to ride, mostly due to weather, other life commitments, and a transition in boarding facilities.  Excuses?  Maybe, but it’s the fact of the matter.  I have not had much time on her.  She can be… well… goofy.  She is a lovely mare without a mean bone in her body but she has not bonded with me at all yet.  She seems uninterested in human friendship unless it involves food.  And she is not near the solid, broke, steady eddy I was promised.  So although the previous owner has said Arwen has been in big indoors, around crowds and so forth, I have my doubts.

I know this will be good for her and that it could be a fantastic bonding weekend.  She could really learn to rely on me if I approach the weekend right.  Fantastic.  But I still get butterflies.  My biggest goal in the world is to promote Mustangs as amazing horses and the last thing I want to do is bring a horse that might cause a scene to one of the biggest Public Relations events the USWHBA has.  But I also tend to have wild and irrational fears.  I’ll have a couple months yet to prepare and get Arwen hauled to a few new places so I have an idea how she will behave.  I have to have faith in my abilities, and I have to have faith in this little mare that is still a bit of a mystery to me.  I’ve let myself down many of times, but I’ve never had a good Mustang let me down.  So I guess in a few months Arwen will have the chance to show me what she’s made of, what she can be, what is in her heart.  I hope it’s the same pure gold that made up the heart of my other Mustangs.  I’m counting on her, and I hope I will be pleasantly surprised.

If you have horses, chances are, you have dogs.  They seem to be synonymous.  In face of the many, many horse friends I have, only one does not have a dog.  Like peanut butter and jelly, dogs go well with horses, and horse people are dog people and visa versa.

I’m a dog parent of three.  Both my husband and I brought a dog to the relationship, then our little one was, well she was an “accident”.  Our dogs are so much more than fur children.  They offer not just love, but companionship, protection, loyalty, humor and so much more.  Especially in the days my husband is on the road, we appreciate the dogs with us that much more.  I believe someone once said the relationship man has made with dog, is by far the best deal we have ever made, and I believe this is oh so true.

Shorty is truly my best friend.  She is my child I brought to our relationship.  Her mother was an almost solid black blue heeler, and her father was a blue merle Australian Shepherd.  I picked her out at 6 weeks and picked her up at 8 weeks, and we have been inseparable ever since.  I cannot explain what this dog means to me.  She brush popped wild cattle with me and my first Mustang, Sally.  Sat in the grand stands in Fort Worth, Texas at the Extreme Mustang Makeover while I competed.  She’s spent nights in the truck with me, move from 4 different states, who knows how many houses, rode in every truck, protected me from every foe, talked me though many a rough choices, smiled that heeler smile at me when I threw the tennis ball.  She has had a toe broke, many ribs, her nasal cavity, concussion, torn both acl’s in her stifles, split her lip and had one too many run in’s with cacti all from ornery cattle, nasty horses, rough dirt roads, playing too hard and our mutual outdoor adventures.  She’s had a hell of an exciting life for a dog.

She will be 11 years old in February.  I found a lump on her side last night.  My logic is telling me its almost positively a fatty benign tumor.  But, matters of the heart don’t often listen to logic.  She’s 11, and I have not prepared myself, if that is even possible, for her growing old.  I cannot bear it.  Cannot stand the thought of what life may be like one day, without her here.  I’ve never had a more faithful or loyal friend.  They say parents should not outlive their children.  But, when you sign up to be a dog mom, you know that day will inevitably come.  Dogs just don’t live as long as people.  It’s not something you think about when you’re holding the squiggly puppy, smelling the sweet puppy breath, loving their little heartbeat.  But you sign up for the heartbreak anyway.  A lot of people will chastise me for comparing the loss of a child to the loss of a dog.  And that’s fine.  I know my heart.  And I know what that dog means to me.  In fact their have been recent studies saying that the love is the same, it is just as powerful.  So to those of us who see our animals as equal, sentient, loving beings, the thought of loosing our child, is terrifying.

I’ve been around animals enough, unfortunately had to euthanize enough, I know what to look for from now on.  More regular health checks, more vet visits, quality of life, not quantity….  I know, I know.  I believe she still has a good long road ahead of her.  She plays with our youngest, is still game for walks, rides in the truck, playing ball.  She’s far from ready.  I pray I have many, many more years.  I pray that the biopsy comes back negative.  I pray my baby stays as long as she can.  But I also know the inevitable reality of aging dogs.  How do you prepare for that?  Can you prepare for that?  I don’t know.  All I know, is I will be in for a whole new kind of heartache.    You cannot expect an angel to walk the earth forever.

What is that popular catch phrase these days?  Oh, yes.  “The struggle is real”.  It is certainly a catchy saying.  But for people who own horses in rural places without the luxury of a nice barn that has an indoor riding arena, the struggle truly is real.

I have always ridden year round.  No matter if I was as hot as an Arizona summer or as cold as a Rocky Mountain February.  I have always had the ability to ride year round.  I have paid premiums wherever I am at to have the ability to ride year round.  In other words, I have always trained or boarded at places that have indoor facilities if the weather gets bad in the winter.  Except here.  In rural Nebraska.

Everyone thinks that because its “rural” that it automatically accommodates horses and their riders.  Nothing can be farther from the truth.  The winters are bitter, bitter cold here and the closest indoor riding arena is in a town in our neighbor to the South, Colorado.  It took me almost two years to just find a place to board my horse that wasn’t just a pasture.  We have an arena, that only I use, because although there are a few other boarders, they never ride, and because of that it is covered in weeds and I have to beg for it to be groomed every few weeks.  Seriously.  Two years to find a place that had an arena, a nice pen with shelter, a place to park my trailer, and fed twice a day and cleaned once a day.  To me, I guess that was pretty basic, basic boarding stuff.  But out here it is the cream of the crop.

Not saying the place is bad by any means, just not at all what I am used to.  And for someone who wants to compete and ride year round, it’s a nightmare up here.  We got our first “snow” today, and although the snow is not so bad, the 35mph winds and 50mph gusts, are bad.  It is impossible to even consider loping her out when it is that cold. The wind chill drops a 40* day to a “feels like” of 19*. And so it will be for the rest of the week, more or less.  People out here don’t really ride in my book.  It seems everyone has a horse, but they ride a handful of weekends a year and that’s it.  I very much so consider riding an art and a sport, not just a “hobby” and it blows my mind that people don’t ride their horses out here.  And because there is no demand, there are no facilities.  Making me the odd ball out and truly making the idea of riding year round miserable, if not impossible.

I hope to be in a position one day that truly allows me to ride year round again.  But until then, I’ll continue to do what I can, when I can, because I can’t help but ride.  I just cannot put it down for six months out of the year to pick it back up in the spring.  My brain is not wired that way.  Between weather, lack of facilities and the dreaded daylight savings time, the struggle truly is real.

Cheers!