Last fall, I was restless. I had just returned from the caves and fossil sites and the spirit there stirred something in me. Something that had been sleeping for years. And to be honest I couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but I became very agitated. There were going to be shifts and changes in my life that my mind was unaware of, but my body recognized. I started to prepare myself, for what I didn’t know, but I dove deep into this feeling. I dove deep into where this feeling of restlessness was leading. I began to take actions. Right, wrong or indifferent, I knew that action was the only way to come through this. Being idle for the rest of my life was not the answer.
And then it hit me. That’s what this restlessness was. I was being called to become my true self again. But it’s a funny feeling when you’re being called to be yourself, when you never realized you lost it. Fear is the greatest adversary. Fear can control you in ways you cannot imagine, in ways you don’t even know you’re being controlled. But I made decisions, and I took actions and God, the universe, whatever my many friends deem to call it, began opening doors. Quickly. Uncannily. I honestly had no idea where these doors were opening too, I just honestly, blindly kept making decisions based on my gut and trusted that what happened was on purpose. Every time I wrote down a goal, or made a choice, it was quite literally a physical close your eyes, duck your head and shoulder onto the other side, and hope for the best. And things kept happening. One after another, I was checking things off my lists and dream boards with unreal speed. My entire world was shifting.
I raised my vibrations, I raised my intentions, I started to believe. Many of the books I read, and speakers I listened to had a running theme. When you begin to ask for what you want, the universe is glad to oblige. God does not want to see you live in half truths. However, when you begin to harness this secret, there will be those that cannot come with you, nor do you want them to. I began to see with crystal clarity, who was with me, who was against me and who was indifferent to me. Have I lost people that I thought were on my side? I don’t know. Can you loose someone who was never with you? I don’t believe so. You can however, shed negative energy and people and open space in your life for more love, support, gratitude, and people who will force you to level up, live in a higher frequency, and reach your full potential. Last fall this is not where I thought I would be. To be honest I’m still not sure where this is going….. But I trust that it is going somewhere great.
When I raised my intentions, people started popping out of nowhere that saw my vison, or believed my dreams, or were kindred spirits that believed the same things I did. People I could talk to without feeling stupid, uncomfortable, judged, or awkward. People I’ve been missing that I didn’t even know existed. You can indeed be lonely for people and places you didn’t even know existed. There have been things in my life that have always guided me. The Mustang, powerful, wild, free, more spirit than flesh. They remind me every day how precious freedom is. Wolves and dogs, friends, loyalty, family, honor, and play. Loved ones that have passed continue to visit me, brining messages and love. But at the core of my totem, is the Bear. Strength, confidence, leadership, grounding force, and above all fierce. I remember talking to a Ute elder friend of mine, after the first time I dreamed of the Bear. He told me my life would never be easy and that is why I have been given such a powerful protector. When fear begins to rise in my heart, I feel again the ground shake behind me, as the spirit bear comes, and I become still. I know who I am. I know who I have always been. And when you know who you are, and what great beings walk beside you, what reason do you have to fear?