I have been dreading August for a while now.
It’s a big curve in the road for this year.
Mountains of paperwork, trying to get new clients on-boarded, and I have so many things to get done before winter and August, to me marks the beginning of the end of summer. With each day I feel I’m losing time. And with each day lost, I feel my anxiety about winter bubble up. What happens this winter, you may wonder?… I have no idea. There are probably at least ten different options, all of them good and sound. But right? I don’t know. And par for the course, the one thing I want to do, I cannot. So, with each passing day I grow more anxious.
I needed to quiet my mind. So, I dimmed the lights, rolled out my yoga mat, set a timer and told myself I would sit and listen. I like to listen to the ancient ones. Sometimes they just offer me peace. Sometimes they offer me an idea. And on rare occasion, they give me an answer. I lit my candle and sat down, crossed my legs, brought my hands to a prayer. Nip came over, laid her head in my lap and promptly went to sleep. I closed my eyes.
No sooner had I closed my eyes I heard the echo of a great roar. And from the mists of my mind came the bear, breaking branches through the brush. I saw myself draped in white furs reach to my protector. She led me to a waters edge. The air felt cold, but in a clean way, not in an uncomfortable way. We stood at the edge of the water and I saw my future on the other side. I could not make out what it was, but I knew it was over there. On the other side of this vast and black water. I saw mountains to the north across the water, and snowy prairies to the west of the great water. I began to wonder how I get there. Do I go North or West? When I get there, what will I need? Who will be on the other side? Will anyone come with me?… in my vision my anxiety became intense. And then I heard one word. One powerful, assertive word spoken over me. “Wait”, the voice commanded. I became still, looking out over the water. In my mind fears began to rise again. “Wait.”
As I stilled, steadying myself against the bear, I watched out over the water. Still knowing my future was on the other side. Slowly, quietly, it began to snow. As it began to snow, the water, tiny particle by tiny particle began to freeze. I watched the water begin to crystallize and it became clear to me why I had to wait. I had to wait for the road to be readied, before I could come to the other side. It made no difference what was on the other side, if I had no way of getting there. I had to wait for the black water to freeze. And when the water freezes, I can begin to make my journey out onto it, making my way to my future. And as I walk, my future will become clearer the closer I get. By time I cross the water, I will know what to do when I get to the other side. But in the meantime, I am in a period of waiting. I don’t know what will happen the next few months. But I know that the path is being prepared. The snow is coming. And the ice will begin to freeze. But for now, I will still myself and wait at the edge, waves lapping at my feet, until they have prepared a way. And then I will find my destiny on the other side of the black water.
Stay Wild
