This weekend has been one of the most terrifying of my life. Saturday, after working on the farm all day and Shorty being with me and enjoying life, I got out of the shower to find her almost completely lifeless on the kitchen floor. She was panting rapidly, pupils dilated, freezing cold to the touch, foaming and her gums were white as snow. She was completely unresponsive to my calls and when I picked her up she was like dead weight in my arms. I thought for sure my best friend of 13 years was dying.
After 4 hours at the vet clinic and running every possible test, we still have no idea what happened. Shorty ended up coming home and we took her off IV’s and supportive care about 24hrs after the incident. It is now Monday and she is tired, and seems to have aged 100 years over night, but she is doing fine. She is acting like herself. She helped me feed the horse, bit at my ankles, rolled in the grass and is all around just being Shorty. I’m taking her back to the vet tomorrow for more blood work and to send samples to CSU for tests. I don’t know what else to do. Not knowing what caused this is terrifying. I have no idea if or when or how often it could happen again. I go back to work tomorrow and am almost frozen in fear to leave her unattended even though she is fine now. What happened?…
As I laid on my bathroom floor, with my precious girl monitoring her fluids all night Saturday and into Sunday morning, my mind raced with questions and thoughts. I knew, and still know, that things will continue to get harder and scarier as she ages. Such is the process of life and ultimately death. I know that. The biggest difference when you become a pet parent is you know, from the second you decide to open your heart to this life and take it in and love it as your own, that you will ultimately see your baby die. You know they don’t live as long as we do. You know your time with each other, ultimately will always be too short, no matter how long their life is. You know this, you accept it, and you do it anyway.
Shorty is, no questions asked, my child. No matter how much you “prepare” yourself you never can prepare yourself for their aging. It is the most awful thing to watch them grow old. Shorty has offered me more love and devotion than I ever thought was possible. I know the routine, I know how this goes. After all, I’ve lost several wonderful horses that I counted as family. But there is something inherently different about dogs. They entangle themselves so intimately into our hearts they can never be untangled from them. After 13 years, Shorty is a constant in my life. A witness to my existence more so than any other. She is always with me. We know each other so well after all these years. She knows my moods, my body language, when I’m sick, feeling great, and I know the same of her. We move flawlessly together in the same space. Day to day life is but a simple dance together.
It is painfully hard right now and it wont get any easier. My heart is breaking more every day. But never will I ever regret my decision to adopt this beautiful being into my home and heart. Never will I have another like her. Never will there be one as good. I cherish more and more each day we have together. There is something so undeniably wonderful about the company of an old dog. As I write she going back and forth from sitting in the grass, chewing her favorite stuffed goose to lying on the porch in the sun, snoring like an old man. She is just truly my most favorite and precious angel. Weather I have another day or another 5 years with her, I’ll never know. But I do know that whatever time we have left will be cherished. And even after the heartache, if anyone asks if I’d do it again? Yes. A thousand times, yes.
